Panicking

I'm panicking right now. I'm wondering how far this eating spree I went on yesterday will set me back. I feel disrupted down to the very core. I still feel the food I ate lingering around. I took a laxative which I don't think is even going to work. Nevertheless, I don't want to go running yet because I'm not sure what will end up happening.

I never want to feel like this again. I will do the shakes today, since it will be a busy day for me. When I'm done with work tonight, I will cook and grill up the food I will eat for the next couple days. I forgot to get the sandwich bags, which make it easy for me to separate the foods and what not. To make it so bad, I felt my clothes melting off of me yesterday. It was as if I was losing inches as the day went by. There's no telling how far yesterday's actions will set me back.

Once again, I have to forgive myself or there is no way for me to move on. My journey is nowhere near over, and everything I do is a learning experience. I now know better than to just keep eating for eating sake. I was actually full, but I kept pushing myself to eat simply because I wanted to "get it all in" before resuming plan 100%. That is unacceptable and childish.

I'm pretty much accepting that I'm probably around 165 right now. Don't think I want to get on the scale and confirm it though. I just needed to express my feelings, which are really low at this point...