I hope I can stop the plummet here. I'm like hanging on to the balcony for dear life. I'm on a downward spiral, that's for sure. Let's see, I've cheated just about every other day this week. Why? Why when I'm so close to where I'm going?
True, I had a very bad week... Got chewed out by the boss, and basically have to ignore the feelings I have for someone. I just don't want to gain all the weight back. I feel devastated. I've been at this place before... I'm desperate. How in the world am I going to stay on plan? I can't trust myself! Tonight I actually ordered food and had it delivered to my place. I should have never broke Golden Rule #3(never eat food in the home). This situation is out of control now. The only thing that can stop me now is divine intervention, because I have become powerless again. It's mind boggling to think that I would jeopardize my progress like this, after all I've been through.
If I was looking at myself from an outside viewpoint, I would definitely wonder what was so hard about getting back on plan. Maybe I can try that tomorrow--to conduct myself based on the advice I would give someone else in my situation. REally, the solution is very simple--GET BACK ON PLAN!! What is wrong with me???? Do I have to get my jaws wired shut?? Take hunger suppressants? Anti depressants? What??!!! This has GOT to stop!!!
OK, I'll try this again. I don't want to get to the point where my word is completely meaningless in my eyes. I want to be able to make plans, and know that I will carry through. Tomorrow is a new day (I'm actually in tomorrow right now, but then that would mean I've already cheated for the day, so for my purposes I will still consider now Saturday). Tomorrow I won't give in so easily. I will duke it out with the devil next time. He is trying to steal my joy-- I can't let that happen. I'm already beginning to feel bad about myself. Tomorrow, 5 supplements, no excuses. NO EXCUSES!!! The worst part about all of this is that the food wasn't even that good! It NEVER is....
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