So I'll write here.
First off, I'm very sad and will continue to be for a while to come. I've made so many mistakes over the past year, and as a result of those mistakes, I find myself living a lie. I've had to lie to so many of my friends, loved ones and even my bosses at work. It just eats me up inside. Now I have to face the music and make some tough decisions, secretly, all the while trying to keep up my deception--at least for the next four months.
Lately I don't even feel like drinking the shakes. Yesterday I did have a slip up, but as usual, the food wasn't what I expected and I am back on Medifast today. As usual, the weight gain was one pound. I am now at 169.5. Tomorrow I will try to resume my running program to break away from the slow losses of late.
I've never been so fearful in my life. I'm afraid my lies will be discovered. I don't know what to do. Every now and then I think about coming clean, and admitting my failures. I can actually redeem myself if I could just get over my fear of people knowing.
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