Yesterday, I really did slip up--and I feel very ashamed. I feel like scum, like dirt, like a very weak person. I've read stories of people who've stayed on the full fast from 4 months, to almost a year--yet I broke at day 27!! BUT... I have such a long way to go that I cannot afford to give up like I have in the past after making mistakes... I must move forward...
Yesterday was full of signs of my impending slip up... I didn't make my shakes... I doubled up on the soups (as flavorless as they are)... and I thought about going modified...
Ahhh, the medifast soups... They are horrible but yet after eating them I lost control. I guess cause I was longing for so much more than what I got. The one thing that I'm proud of is that I insisted on getting food that would do the least damage. I settled in on half a personal pan pizza and 8 or so baked wings. It was not even that good... Total damage done? I weighed in today at 184.5. I haven't been weighing daily, but I do know that my period is scheduled to start today and I weighted 183.5 yesterday. So, basically I got away easy this time.
What troubles me is what I read in my Daily Overeater Meditation guide--I wish to God that was the page I had been given yesterday. It said, breaking abstinence is like jumping off a skyscraper and expecting to only go down to the next floor--after a cheat, I may manage to get my eating under control for a day or a few weeks, but nothing will change the downward spiral. Now that is depressing! It's basically saying that I'm destined to fail now. Intellectually, I know the meal I had yesterday was not that far off from the modified plan. Its just that I vowed to myself that I would stay on. I got carried away.
How to avoid this in the future...
Well, yesterday I was so excited about going furniture shopping that I through all caution to the wind. Its easy to maintain control in the house with all my shakes at my disposal. When I go out in public though--making and packing the shakes is A MUST. Carrying the packets around is NOT enough and will not save me from disaster. If I had simply tried to pack my shakes to take along with me, something in me might have stopped me from eating. I've made it through situations TEN TIMES WORSE before--shame on me. The true shame, however, would be if I couldn't pick myself back up from this minor incident. The next week or so will be extremely hard work as I try to redeem myself...
Plan?
Drink 120 oz of water a day, 5 shakes a day, no soups, no exceptions!!
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