I don't know how much I weigh

I left my scale behind and haven't weighed myself in months. It's probably better that way. I know that if I do what's right I will be where I need to be soon. That's all the matters. This journey requires diligence. Summer is approaching, and for the first time in 7 years, I would like to be a fox-- during the summer that is. My weight loss pattern has been a big loss in the fall, then a gain in the winter that continues throughout the summer until fall.

I spent a good portion of yesterday arguing with a "know it all" who kept going on and on about how "diets don't work." I told him that diets do work, the question is whether the person will stay on the diet until the end, and maintain the weight loss when the goal is reached. What I did was quit the diet and go back to binging. NO matter what type of lifestyle I'm leading, if I overeat, then I will gain weight. He raised some good points, and I do agree with some of what he said about making foods less taboo, but for now, I have a goal that I want to reach. I told him that if I fail again, I will gladly do his plan (because at that point I'd be at rock bottom). To make matters worse, the jerk gave me a cold! I am really, really sick now. I don't know if its a cold or the flu. Rarely do I get colds, and this cold medicine does not seem to be working at all.

I'm so through with men. Until I learn to stand up for myself and not place another person's needs above my own, then I need to stay single.

change has strengthened my resolve

I have come to the realization that I am extremely blessed. I finally had the courage to quit my job. Also, I finally passed the Road Test. Didn't think I ever would. I am so thankful to God for that, and of course, the instructor who gave me the chance (my parking skills weren't so good). ON TOP OF THAT, I purchased the car model that I really wanted.

So why on earth would I not be content? There are so many people who would gladly trade places with me---I now have my own town house, a beautiful car, and my health. All I have to do is lose weight. That is simple compared to what other people face. There are soldiers dying, people starving, dying from diseases--and here I am acting like losing 50 lbs is impossible. It finally hit me, and my resolve is strong. I know this entry is somewhat jumbled. I just had to express what I was feeling.

The answer to the question: Does Medifast Really Work?

Yes, Medifast does really work. In a little over 9 weeks, I lost 60 pounds and was racing towards my goal weight. Medifast worked. But what didn't work was my self esteem and my resolve. The confidence and pride to realize that I deserved to be thin and happy.

Well, a lot has happened. I purchased my very own home which I am at right now as I type. It took a while, but now there is absolutely nothing in my home that is edible that does not say "Medifast" on the cover. I haven't taken a peek at the damage I've done over the past few weeks while eating out of control. But I know its bad because my clothes are not fitting the same. Last night I looked at myself and felt disgust. See, the thing about me is that I am not able to eat normally. No matter how hard I try. This is not something that just began to happen--I've always had a problem with putting the fork down. Even as a child. Why? I don't know. But I do know that when I'm doing something low carb that insanity is relieved---up until the time when I decide to take that "first bite."

Anyhow, I can't ramble on too much because I have a lot of work to do. I'm just glad to be back, and I am determined now to get this done. My self esteem is shot, and if I continue on like this, I will never enter another healthy relationship again. When it comes to men, I want to be able to choose from the cream of the crop, not from the barrel of unwanted losers. I've realized this firmly in my mind over the past few weeks--I NEED to lose weight if I ever want that dream life. I'm 25, and will turn 26 in October. I'm not getting any younger. I have to trim down ASAP and start dating again (maybe later in the year when I'm set in my routine). Then maybe have one child, and live happily ever after. The fat is keeping me from doing this---I MUST LOSE THE FAT!